New experience unlocked ✅

 For the first time I talked to a counselor, It was a 45-minute 1-on-1 session and I had to share my issues. It was my first time so I was very nervous about how that person would talk. Everyone has some or other issues during this phase of life where I am prepping but I was feeling extremely low and I wanted to do something about it so I took help. 

On joining the meeting that person asked me about my details and I was skeptical to give them but then I just trusted everything and continued he asked me lots of questions regarding my routine, sleep cycle, friends, relationships, study sessions, exam scores and he was super patiently listening and had a super calm and gentle voice. I shared everything I had in mind. 

At the end of the session, I was about to cry cause I got so emotional but then I controlled. It felt good to express cause he made the conversation super comfortable and friendly. 

It's not like he told me something that I didn't already know but just being able to share everything with someone willing to hear it without being judgemental made it feel good and gave good advice for my issues.

I don't know if I'll schedule another follow-up session but as the service is free for me so I'll definitely schedule another session in the future.

 I had only heard about therapy sessions but never really thought I'd be able to take them cause they are expensive + I don't really need them and I am not sure if Indian parents even agree with the concept(never really got their views on this). What I got wasn't therapy but counseling i.e. to deal with small issues in day-to-day life and cope with stress.

LEVELLING UP

THIS WILL BE A SELF-APPRECIATION POST.

Last year + a few months back from July'23 till May'24 I had a very weird sleep cycle and by weird I mean there was no cycle it was all random.

As I was prepping for the exam I had to study and attend classes in the morning and then at least do 6 hrs of self-study, I could have easily managed everything but just because of some major dumass things I suffered. As far as I remember by the month of September my sleep cycle was completely fucked. Somedays when I was studying at night I would continue studying till 3 or 4 and then would wake up at 8 to attend class. now that's not healthy at all especially because I was inconsistent.

All that continued and my productivity some days was at peak but also some days were crappy, still better than what was coming next.

By December, I was heavily addicted to caffeine, and by heavily I am being brutally honest It was bad and I knew it. If were sitting to study I would have my tall coffee mug with me and that too black. I don't know why but I liked the bitterness. Now coffee added to the already messed up sleep cycle and if in the evening I would have the coffee then I was likely to skip sleeping at night and study and sleep in the afternoons, I would sleep with a drained-out brain. 

Ok so the exam was in May and I joined tests by March so I had to sleep on time at night to go and give tests every 3 days, But then I noticed I had trouble sleeping and I would wake up at random hours at night like 3 am or 2 am and would without thinking sit to do just nothing, It happened once then twice I thought it would stop and it's probably because of exam stress but nope this pattern of waking up from sleep in the middle of the nights continued for at least 2 months and I was having issues beacuse of this pattern.. Random headaches, eye pain, and no appetite, I was drained throughout but still was studying. I had put on weight and I hated it, I felt unhealthy and sick all the time. I was so impulsive and angry most days I even wanted to chop off my hair because I hated how it was unmanageable. Everything seemed wrong. 

I remember one day I had planned on completing a lot of parts of organic chemistry and I started and sat at 6 pm around and decided to pull a nighter so I made coffee then also had dinner by 2 am I was hungry again and decided to eat chips ... I had decided to sleep by 4 but I couldn't I had a really bad stomach ache and my brain was constantly thinking so I was not able to sleep. All these things were happening way too frequently and led to hormonal imbalance and my period cycle also extended from 29 days to 40days that was concerning to me cause nothing like that had happened to me ever before and I always had a very good cycle touchwood but I was short of time to think about it or take medical advice or even tell mom.

I took the exam, result was what I expected I was not satisfied with whatever I did during the preparation so I decided to correct all the mistakes and the main thing on my list was health this time.

I was not ready to compromise with health at any cost If I neglected it this time I was seriously gonna suffer.

So again by June, I jumped back to studies and joined offline cause I knew staying at home was gonna rot my brain completely and this time I will not be able to even control anything.

I made strict rules to sleep, No staying awake after 2am maximum 

sleeping till 6. I have to forcefully wake up at 6 everyday because of lectures .I stopped buying coffee just after exams, I stopped eating junk, and deleted food delivery apps. Yes all that's helping 

Using my phone till late at night was banned by me and now when it's nearly the same time as last year I have seen changes in me.

I stopped being sad over random things, and tried doing spiritual stuff too(I am still on the journey so far it feels really good)

Now I have a proper sleep schedule and I haven't touched coffee it's been 5 months and I don't think I ever will now I don't needit. Period cycle is balanced and back to normal. I don't get headaches randomly. I stopped skipping meals( Mom's happy).

Through this exam journey over the years, I have grown a lot as a person. I learned a lot of self-control ik a lot is to be done and I have a long way to go but wanted to type this out to realize some progress has been made.

2023 was the worst and will be my worst year but it surely did teach me a lot in various aspects of life.

 (Made noodles after so long on Sunday, though I broke the streak of not having junk till October :p)

... I got to know about Dopamine detox so I'll try practising that 

If I succeed at following or even if fail to do it eitherways will surely write about it!! 

Here's a rose to anyone reading this ♡ You'll be fine too.

This is life

I'll be sharing a little something that happened with me.

So it goes like this- As usual, my daily routine is to wake up at 6:00 am in a grumpy mood and then get ready to leave for my morning 7:30 am wali classes. So recently when I used to leave for class I found 5-6 puppies in the street outside my house, all of them were newborns really small and different colored.

Every day while passing by I would see the mumma dog either feeding or they'd be running. They were super cuties and my love for small animals is uncontrolled so I started taking rotis or biscuits whatever I had to feed them and then go to class and it really made those 2 minutes of my morning good.

Naturally, they knew me as we met every day and they'd run behind me, it was super fun and while returning back from class at 2pm too they'd all look at me with those cute eyes. I was gushing over them but as pets are not allowed in my society and also my parents don't like them so I couldn't take them home (not that I was trying to but still the mommy dog also wouldn't let me take any of them)

But then something bad has to happen with me and the universe has to do it by taking away what I love that's mandatory...

Yesterday I saw the dog-catching van on the other street in the morning while going to class and then when I returned from class I couldn't find any of the pups. they were all gone. At first, I didn't realize it and thought they must be somewhere else but even today they were not there and many dogs were missing on the street.

So that dog-catching van took all the puppies. 

I was really upset about it. They were all so adorable, especially the black and white patched one but I can't do anything about it now.

Those pups made my mornings, and I felt very excited when they ran to me for the biscuits. Idk why those people had to jail the dogs.

(I took this one photo of them it's not clear, I am too shy to pull out camera on the street so I clicked this quickly)

 

Eye looks for fun

Gave a test on sunday (that's yesterday..XD it's 1 am,I swear I am gonna sleep :/ )

OK so as I gave the test and it went pretty good so I was happy about it and I wanted to chill but as you must have guessed while reading my previous blogs I am a loner .. So I was all by my

-self and I decided to do some artsy stuff and guess what I don't own a canvas so I thought and thought and then came up with the idea of drawing on my face.

Why do you need a canvas when you have a pretty face hehe 

I'll attach some cropped pictures cause I don't wanna add my face. 

So I tried doing a euphoria inspired eye-look but then that show had really bright eyeshadow and gems too but I didn't have any of that. t

The only eyeshadow I own are nude  coloured or either really pinkish so I used that and some glitter shadow on top of that and then tried making butterfly wings (showed it to my mom and she was like what are these leaves) Ahaha its tough to draw using a liquid liner I said in my defense,whatever it is it looks okeyish and what matters is I enjoyed doing this. 

Now this is the other eye, in this one I tried doing a smokey eye but with brown shadow and liner. 

I was super tired and then mom called to have dinner so I feel this needed a little bit of blending and also I have hooded eyes so you can't really see the cut crease when I open my eyes (lol don't ask me how I know about all this .. I have watched like hundreds of makeup video's on yt as a kid in 2016-17 )

Hair looks messy told you I was tired 😫 

This above picture is from 2019 ig and I made this on Halloween during covid it was very basic though.

And this is the other eye...brhh idk what this winged liner is, it looks like I have horns on my eyelid

And that eye expression looks so funny lol. 

I remember being super proud about the look and this was not it. I had done complete face of makeup to match the halloween look.

Eye makeup skills improved a bit I guess so😶‍🌫️