The reading phase is finally back and honestly, I’m so excited to have time again. Real, guilt-free, turn-off-the-alarm kind of time. On my recent trip, all I ended up buying were books—and it felt so right. There’s something deeply satisfying about being able to keep buying books and actually knowing I’ll read them. No guilt. Just joy.
Lately, I’ve been trying to shift my reading choices. I’m slowly moving away from fiction and those dreamy romance novels that once had my entire heart. I want to be more mindful about what I read, especially now that med life is right around the corner. I probably won’t have much time for hobbies once that begins, and it kind of kills me to think that I might not go back to those silly romance books ever again. The worst part? I think my brain’s already over them. They don’t hit like they used to. They feel too… kiddish, unrealistic. I heard readers talk about this shift before, but I never thought it would happen to me.
Now, I just want to read things that expand my mind a bit—books on real life, on growth, self-help stuff that might help me stay sane and actually make decent decisions once college starts.
Even writing “med college” feels unreal. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long—what I’ve worked for nonstop—and now that it’s here, I’m still trying to process it. For a while, I felt… nothing. Just numb. I was so used to being under pressure, stuck in this constant loop of stress and sadness, that I couldn’t even register the change when it came. But now that things have slowed down and my brain’s finally cooled off, I can feel it. It’s real. And it’s exciting.
This whole prep phase came with its own costs though. I’ve lost so many friends along the way. Sometimes I feel really left out. Most of my old friends are already living their college lives. The new ones? They’re nice, but we’re not that close. If I’m being honest, my social life right now is pretty much non-existent.
But college is going to be different—I will make it different. The first thing I’m going to do is socialise like crazy. Doesn’t matter what kind of people I meet—I’m going to make friends, laugh more, and just live. I’m done being the “stressed, depressed Sneha.” She did what she had to do, but she doesn’t get to be the main character anymore.
There’s still some time before college starts, and yeah—I have a lot to figure out. The biggest change is definitely going to be leaving home. I’ve never stayed away from my mom for even a day. And just thinking about it makes me cry. But at the same time, there were so many days in the past two years when all I wanted was to leave. Now it’s finally happening… and it’s this weird mix of sadness and excitement that I can’t quite put into words.
Anyway, for now, I’m just soaking in the peace. I’m reading. Breathing. Being. I know this calm won’t last forever—but while it’s here, I’m going to enjoy every second of it.
