Is saying sorry really that hard?

 With time I have realized that I say sorry a lot and an acquaintance once corrected me by saying "You just say sorry a lot and that you actually don't mean it ..."  But how does he know that I don't mean my sorries? 

As a child, I never used to apologize after fighting with my brother (trust me we used to fight like cats and dogs ) so my mother made it like a thing where she'd ask both of us to say sorry to each other and that's how we made up after our silly fights. I don't know but it is a habit of mine now to say sorry after every minor inconvenience caused but then people question the emotion behind it and I don't absolutely deny that, yes sometimes I do say sorry and then escape the argument even though I have an absolutely different point of view about the topic or a better reason for that behavior.

Some people have the ideology that they'll only apologize if they really feel it's their mistake which is fine if it's for formal not so close people. And then there are some people who just never apologize only cause it will hurt their pride and they'll feel vulnerable by accepting their mistake or they are just very ignorant and don't care.

The question is what does an apology do? 

Does it really reduce the person's pain? I don't think it does, it's mostly for ourselves. It reduces our burden and even if there is no burden then it can surely make the other person feel like we do care and that we are not ignorant. This can make the other person feel better (at least makes me feel better).

Then what's wrong with saying sorry to your loved ones even if it's not your mistake, where does the pride come from.. and is being right or wrong really that important in front of the person you care about?

My mom used to say "Choti toh nahi ho jaogi ek sorry se " So I just kept that in mind and I feel it was a piece of good advice she gave me while growing up. 

-if someone's reading this then go say sorry if you feel your words hurt anyone :)

(Lol I don't know if this long paragraph made any sense but it was definitely something going on in my mind for a while so I thought why not write it down ) 

What does a productive day look like?

The definition of a productive day can be different for each one of us because all of us are different we eat sleep study the same but in different ways. 
This blog has all the things that I consider are present in my kind of productive day, but we all know not every day is the same. Some days are those before a test and since the exam day is so near (5 May) every day feels like a marathon. But the day that I'll be describing will not be one of these days. 
I'll wake up by 7 am. I feel this is the perfect time to wake up if you don't have a ton of tasks piled up before you and then get ready by 7:30. 
I like to work out a little in the morning not a hardcore workout but simple stretches and 20 minutes of cycling do the work for me with my exercise playlist playing in the background. This helps me feel energized for the whole day. 
By 8 am I'll sit to study at my desk (NOT THE BED I REPEAT !!! HIGH CHANCES OF ME FALLING ASLEEP AGAIN) 
With a very light breakfast of fruits or poha in between my Pomodoro breaks I study till 12 am. After this good 4 hrs of study session, I get up to take a much-needed 30-minute shower. 
Till 2 pm I have my lunch and then again sit to study till 5:00 pm. These after-noon study sessions can easily transform into naps so I try to keep myself awake with some music or maybe a cup of coffee. 
I am not an extrovert person so I don't go out a lot, my evenings are always the time I like to spend on myself by either watching something on YouTube (mostly standup or sketches)or by maybe reading or talking to a friend on call. 
After this evening break, I study till 11:00pm at a stretch with a 30-minute dinner break in between. 
And by 12:00am I try to sleep after writing my to-do list for the next day and doing a little skincare that I keep on picking from Youtube videos. 

So by the end of the day, I get done with 11 hours of study and 2 hrs for my personal stuff. 

I follow this routine but it gets disrupted when my week or fortnightly tests are near and I mess up my sleep cycle. I believe in keeping myself busy the whole day so that all my stupid silly thoughts are sidelined.  

Do you remember why you started ?

02/02/2024 - To dear me,

how's it been just some 90 days and you'll be able to enter into a medical college I know how much you contemplated before saying it. I know how you always shy away when someone says wow so you'll become a doctor? you'll go to med school! but you never say it confidently, and always shy away from it cause it's a big thing for you and how agreeing to it will make you sound like a fool, but girllll If you don't say it out loud then how will you do it ... 

We both know how far we have come in this preparation you can clearly see a huge change in your nature. Remember how you couldn't even sit quietly for an hour to study how you'd always need mumma to manage your schedule syllabus, look now you haven't gotten out of your room for two days. Isn't it a moment for you? 

11th Feb 2017

Look at this diary note remember how you wrote in 2017 that you'll be buying medical books, and how you'll focus only on your career XD, you didn't even know about Neet. Innocent Sneha didn't even know the spelling of career and still, she had the hope that one day she'd be a doctor that's how much you wanted this profession then what's stopping you now. 

90 days that's 3 whole months and it's the same amount of time needed for a whole frikin zygote to grow out limbs and become fully formed then what's makes you think you can't do it too. No, I am not asking you to grow feet!

I want you to believe in yourself and not stop and think if you are doing it right. You started alone in this so stop looking for comfort from random people. We can't let thoughts of- am I even meant for it. Why meee?? Why not me??? hamper our preparation cause no we haven't started this journey just 2 years ago it was always meant for you and only you  ....

That's all you need to hear from yourself stop crying and buckle up cause it's the time that's changing everything for you.