#starrynight

You know someone once told me they hesitated to commit to a six-month wifi plan, So much can change in that time, right. I got you now mate. 

Same with me and friendships, hard to commit cause when you get to know them more you start to back off. I'm really bad at choosing the right people to hang out with. I've gotten to a point where I'm scared to even try making new friends. It's like, I put myself out there, and more often than not, it backfires.

I tried again this time with a girl I thought would match my vibe. We clicked instantly like old friends reunited. Our academic sync was uncanny - same scores, same interests. We'd study together, help each other out, and hang out occasionally. But soon, the inconsistencies started to grind me down. One day she'd be all enthusiastic and over-sweet, and the next, she'd completely flip. No explanation, no warning. It was like an emotional drama. With time her every move annoyed me. Her way of talking made me feel like I was degrading myself. Her way of making stupid comments made me feel nauseous. I feel like a narcissist saying this but yes I did feel she was too tacky. 

I couldn't handle the rollercoaster. The hot-and-cold routine was exhausting. So, I made the call to cut her off totally. No more drama. Maybe I'm a bad person for her to leave without explanation, and it hurt when someone did that to me, but now I know why they did. It's hard to be fake-nice and friendly with someone whom you start disliking. But I don't wanna be a jerk cause if you know there's this saying 

"Be careful whose toes you step on today, they may be connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow."  

Solitude is alright, yaar. Being alone, free from others' expectations, is actually liberating. No pressure to put on a smile or pretend to care. Just me, myself, and I.