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Sunday, March 30, 2025

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 The never ending cycle. The exam that I need to appear is so toxic it is the extreme level of rat race and I have made myself go through so much pressure that it's now way too sad if I don't make it to the other side. 

I have never felt this dumb. This fucking exam has sucked life out of me. I cant even laugh without feeling guilty. I can't go out. Can't eat outside food or I'll get sick and no health is not the issue. The time that it'll waste is the issue. Nobody cares about the journey and the struggle that I have to do everyday. Even I myself feel it's worthless if the results are not extraordinary. But Is my life all about this? 

Never had I thought I'd think this way. I know I was kidding when I casually said I'd kill myself if I don't make it this time but deep down I know it's not a joke. My fucking life is not just this exam. I am a totally different person if I substract the studies part. No entrance exam can take away my whole ass life away. Not just mine but anybody's life is way beyond all these worldly stuff and competition.

Aren't we supposed to grow up  get to experience life, love and get loved. Connect spiritually and physically with all these godly things. Life is supposed to be enjoyed and these exams are just a part of the experience not the whole centre point. 

Yah If I clear the exam , I'll become a doctor and I'll have a very good life that I have planned for me and then everything will better and all the other people near me will also be better, But if this plan is not followed then what? Are other future plans also altered. 

If I don't become a doctor I'll do some other work right now no idea but ok things will be different. Can't say for the worst but yah very different than my plan but still life needs to go on. 

All I can do right now is hardwork and then leave everything on god cause I can't control anything. 

It's never a plan it's all part of a bigger picture that's created and all these are just levels. Maybe it has been destined I'll get into college in yada yada yr so that the other following events can happen so it's all planned and planned for the best. So over stressing is not gonna change anything and only gonna make the path to future events difficult.

It's the eternal truth focus on karma and the results will align on their own.

Saturday, March 29, 2025

Ghibili trend

 









Used Grok to create these... don't have the money for chatgpt plus 😭

Turned out cute but not like the actual ghibili art style pictures. The dress colour style and hair is preety much similar.. Hehe had fun making these.

Thursday, March 27, 2025

Life lately

 HELLO HELLO READERS, 

I HAD ALMOST FORGOT THAT I USED TO DO THIS BLOGGING THING. HAHA NAH I WAS JUST A LITTLE OCCUPIED OR I'D SAY I WAS TAKING TIME TO ABSORB MY THOUGHTS.

LIFE UPDATE TIME .... LIFE LATELY HAS BEEN FAST. MONTHS HAVE BEEN PASSING BY WAY TO FAST FOR ME. I HAVE BEEN OCCUPIED BECAUSE EXAM IS NEAR AND ALSO MY ROUTINE AND EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED A LOT FOR THE BETTER I'D SAY.

THE PAST AGONY HAS KINDOF BEEN ERASED AND WITH IT THE TRAUMA AND HURT AND EVERYTHING THAT BOTHERED ME HAS DISAPPEARED. NOW I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS FEELING BUT YES IT SURLY FEELS A LOT LIGHTER NOW AND IT'S THE BEST FEELING. IT'S LIKE NOTHING BOTHERS ME NOW. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DESCRIBE WITH WORDS BUT YAHH IT IS A FEELING WHEN THAT ONE THING THAT WAS THE REASON FOR ALL ISSUES HAS VANISHED. SWOOSH.. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT IT HAS AND IT'S THE BEST FEELING.

 FYI (WELL I SHOULD REALLY MENTION I HAVE GOTTEN MY HANDS INTO LOADS OF SKINCARE. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT YAH CURRENTLY JUST OBSESSED WITH MY SNAIL MUCIN PRODUCTS....)


WELL I HAVE AGAIN I THINK BROKEN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE BUT CAN'T COMPLAIN EXAMS ARE AHEAD. 

ARGHHHH I DON'T KNOW WHAT MORE TO WRITE I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NOTHING TO SHARE AND IF I START SHARING THEN IT'LL BE OVERSHARING AND HONESTLY I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT... 

THIS BLOG POST THING WAS STARTED BY ME LAST YEAR AND HAS A LOT OF MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS AND ALSO LOADS OF DRAMA BUT I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO BRING BACK THAT OLD ESSENCE TO MY BLOGS CAUSE I KNOW I AM NEVER GOING TO PUSH MYSELF AGAIN INTO THAT MENTAL STATE THAT SHIT HOLE EVER IN MY LIFE. 

I HADN'T IMAGINED THAT I COULD SUFFER SO MUCH SEEING MY CHILL AND FUN PERSONALITY BUT THEN THER'S THIS THING THAT "YOU EXPERIENCS EVERYTHING FOR THE FIRST TIME" HONESTLY IT'S GOOD ONLY THAT I WENT THROUGH THOSE EMOTIONS AT THAT INTENSITY CAUSE IT HAS PREPARED ME FOR FOREVER IN FUTURE ON HOW TO TAKE CONTROL OF MYSELF AND NOT LET MY EMOTIONS DRIVE ME. 

CHOOSING THE RIGHT GROUP OF PEOPLE IS SO NEEDED FOR REAL....

ANYWAYS HAD SOME GOURMET FOOD TODAY AND HATED IT ....THE FOOD PLACE WAS BAD OR THE CUISINE IDK.... 

OKAHH

Yes☆
No I'm not cringe maybe little...
No learn guitar :(
Skincareeeee

♡♡

 

Just another day but a bit better ☆♡◇♧♤

Ahahah I have never been so happy for random strangers dude I used to watch " Not just a doctor" on yt when I was in 10th and was ...