Just another day but a bit better ☆♡◇♧♤

Ahahah I have never been so happy for random strangers dude I used to watch " Not just a doctor" on yt when I was in 10th and was I obsessed with them I used to follow Rujuta and Naineesh everywhere. They were the epitome of friendship. I was so inspired .. The bond they had as batchmates was so cool. Since then I thought they'd end up together but then they were so subtle with everything.

Finally now today I saw the marriage thing and lol I have never been so happy for strangers on the internet. These people are the reason I love this profession so much and I am always thriving to have what they have. 

So many creators that I used to watch in 2022 earliest days are graduates now and some are even getting married woah and I'll be starting medicine this yr such a cycle. I have so much planned out just can’t wait for everything.

Today when bhaiya met me after 6 months the first thing he says is " Hello medico attitude me baithi hai" Hehe did I blush, wanted to always hear that. 

Arghh I just hope I don’t jinx everything and end up spoiling everything. I don't trust my luck at all just want all the blessings of the universe now for things to go right.

And I finally complete a show that too is a special event otherwise I always leave things in between unwatched. Loved the songs from the episodes...

1. https://youtu.be/HkVWqyK2Lmo?si=mT-uIX1jeLM5Tg-w 

2. https://youtu.be/HchmoMexFYk?si=GVhP_rdQqcKp_jgB

3. https://youtu.be/w0nhYCzLMkY?si=X_WqRaIEdRaYHnx4

to come back later♡♡

Cribbing about life—— HOLD BACK

 As I am growing older I have come to realise that one should not crib about their life in front of others while meeting them or talking to them. It's just a more mature step and will help you keeping lots of bonds intact.

I used to frequently start ranting about lots of things like studies and life problems in general near the people I was comfortable around and it made me feel better, lighter and it was very subconscious from my side. But then once I was talking to one of my friend and he tells me how mentally draining it becomes when his girlfriend rants about her problems to him  whenever they talk, and he told me how it made him feel heavy and really killed the vibe.

That hit me.

That instance really made me think about stuff. Don't I do the same when I get comfortable around people, but do I ask them if they are ready to hear all that? While venting to someone you are indirectly transferring the negative energy to them and people are not ready for all that. Everyone is dealing with stuff they are tired of and it's not an "OMG, WHY THIS HAPPENS WID ONLY ME?" world, 

it's more of ——"THIS HAPPENS WITH EVERYONE, WE JUST DON'T TALK IT OUT LOUD" world.

Keep your trauma- dumping to yourself and use non emotional tools like––– Ai, a journal or maybe just an alone time walk on the terrace moon gazing to analyse and sort out your thoughts and issues.

It will save you lots of judgement and you will come up as a person who has their shit sorted out. 

Venting can make you feel better but the image it gives is of an untidy person with lots of emotional baggage that no on wants to deal with except you yourself.

Also most of the times we already know the solution to our problems we are just willing to gain sympathy from others. It depends on you, who do you want to become someone independent and mature or someone who's just looking for a shoulder to cry on.

What womenhood feels like?

"How I love being a woman."

It’s a line from Anne of Green Gables, and honestly, I’ve never related more.

Being a woman is something else. It’s not just a feeling—it’s a whole vibe. Something only we get. Something that can’t really be explained, but if you’ve felt it, you know.

The female body? So damn beautiful. I can’t even imagine not having this body. The curves, the way it looks, the way it feels. Life without it? It’d be boring. Straight up boring.

Sometimes there's this weird heat boiling in your lower belly, your feet feel warm yet stretched out and cramped, and then out of nowhere your pelvic muscles contract so hard a tear rolls down your face. Your nose is stuffy, your head aching with migraine,your fingers are tingling and, your breasts are sore, lips cracked,the whole body sweaty and sensitive and there’s this warm blood trickling down your thighs.

That's what being a woman feels like.

Everything, all at once.

The one organ responsible for literally creating life can make you feel like the most powerful person on Earth—and then suddenly like you want to disappear under your blanket and vanish.

The smallest pin prick can fold your whole body in half, and yet this same body can carry a human for 9 months and push it out. Like… push it out. Think about that for a sec.

It’s insane. It’s a superpower. And no, not everyone gets to have it.

Women go through so much. We feel everything with a level of intensity—physically, mentally, emotionally,and still manage to go through our day like nothing’s wrong. But ask us to notice a change in the boyfriend's behaviour? Nah, that's where most of us fail. 

Our hormones can mess with us big time. One second you’re fine, the next second you’re crying over a "not so emotional scene" from a comedy movie. Ovarian and pituitary hormones can legit make you feel like you’re tripping on alcohol. Moods swings, anger, nausea, all at once.

But still,not many people talk about this.

Being a woman is messy and loud.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

I don’t know how men feel but I don’t think it's anywhere close to this. The men who have women close to them tend to become gentle and sensitive.. that's what female touch is all about it can make the ruggest human soft. 

............................................  .............................................

wrote this because I was feeling low and I was sad because of the way I felt right now. I don't think I was able to describe the feeling but yah typing all this made me feel better and while typing I realised how I adore biology so much and maybe in future I can be a gynac or a child doc... It'll be fun to be around babies.... can't wait to study anatomy in first yr.. Arghh time is passing by so slow I want this vacation period to be over. I'm done relaxing. I want the hectic back it's fun when I have too much work around and no time to kill.

damage control?

I know I make a lot of questionable decisions, but I’ve never really regretted them. To me, it’s all part of the journey. Life was never meant to go exactly as planned—and I was never meant to be right all the time. But that’s not going to stop me from making spontaneous choices that keep things exciting and real.

Sure, there are moments I look back on—like calling or texting the wrong person one too many times—and feel a twinge of embarrassment. But even that doesn't bother me much. Because now, I know. I’m not stuck wondering what if. I reached out, I saw the outcome, and now I have clarity. No double thoughts, no guilt—just lessons and peace.

That’s the beauty of having a spontaneous heart: it may not always make the perfect move, but it always moves forward.

The beginning the end

The reading phase is finally back and honestly, I’m so excited to have time again. Real, guilt-free, turn-off-the-alarm kind of time. On my recent trip, all I ended up buying were books—and it felt so right. There’s something deeply satisfying about being able to keep buying books and actually knowing I’ll read them. No guilt. Just joy.

Lately, I’ve been trying to shift my reading choices. I’m slowly moving away from fiction and those dreamy romance novels that once had my entire heart. I want to be more mindful about what I read, especially now that med life is right around the corner. I probably won’t have much time for hobbies once that begins, and it kind of kills me to think that I might not go back to those silly romance books ever again. The worst part? I think my brain’s already over them. They don’t hit like they used to. They feel too… kiddish, unrealistic. I heard readers talk about this shift before, but I never thought it would happen to me.

Now, I just want to read things that expand my mind a bit—books on real life, on growth, self-help stuff that might help me stay sane and actually make decent decisions once college starts.

Even writing “med college” feels unreal. It’s what I’ve wanted for so long—what I’ve worked for nonstop—and now that it’s here, I’m still trying to process it. For a while, I felt… nothing. Just numb. I was so used to being under pressure, stuck in this constant loop of stress and sadness, that I couldn’t even register the change when it came. But now that things have slowed down and my brain’s finally cooled off, I can feel it. It’s real. And it’s exciting.

This whole prep phase came with its own costs though. I’ve lost so many friends along the way. Sometimes I feel really left out. Most of my old friends are already living their college lives. The new ones? They’re nice, but we’re not that close. If I’m being honest, my social life right now is pretty much non-existent.

But college is going to be different—I will make it different. The first thing I’m going to do is socialise like crazy. Doesn’t matter what kind of people I meet—I’m going to make friends, laugh more, and just live. I’m done being the “stressed, depressed Sneha.” She did what she had to do, but she doesn’t get to be the main character anymore.

There’s still some time before college starts, and yeah—I have a lot to figure out. The biggest change is definitely going to be leaving home. I’ve never stayed away from my mom for even a day. And just thinking about it makes me cry. But at the same time, there were so many days in the past two years when all I wanted was to leave. Now it’s finally happening… and it’s this weird mix of sadness and excitement that I can’t quite put into words.

Anyway, for now, I’m just soaking in the peace. I’m reading. Breathing. Being. I know this calm won’t last forever—but while it’s here, I’m going to enjoy every second of it.

eepy all the time

 I'll do this I'll do that blah bhalh I have to watch this read all of this travel here.. buy this buy that talk all day .. join gym learn driving reconnect record blah blah blahhhh so many plans I had made for after exams but all I am doing is nap netflix nap netflix discord nap food netflix ... After turning into an unproductive potato I can say I am not even liking this rightnow. I have gotten into the habit of staying 24×7 in my room and so even going to the market gives me a headache. 

I have no mood of travelling or shopping or learning anything all I wanna do is scroll reels and rot in bed. And why should I not I have been studying my ass off for the past 2 yrs and now when everything is officially done I have no mood and motivation left for anything productive . Fuck skills I can learn them later I am not gonna stress my brain even a bit. 

🧋📝

 This 0 doesn't scare me as much as it did last year.