Just another day

199 DAYS TO GO FLASHES ON MY HOME SCREEN.. IT'S 1 AM AND I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 5 TO STUDY. BUT I CAN'T SLEEP.... I WAS SLEEPY AT 12 BUT THEN WHEN I HIT THE BED I AM NOT ANYMORE. I WANT TO GET UP AND STUDY. BUT THEN I ALSO HAVE TO GET UP AT 5 CAUSE I DON'T WANNA BREAK THE STREAK. MY BESTFRIEND HAD HER FIRST DAY AT HER PRIVATE MED COLLEGE. SHE TOLD ME TO CALL HER WHEN I'M FREE BUT I FORGOT.. MAYBE I DIDN'T... I JUST DON'T WANNA TALK. LAST TIME I DID IT WAS NOT NICE. I WAS FEELING BAD ABOUT MYSELF. SHE DIDN'T GET A GOV COLLEGE JUST LIKE ME BUT OPTED FOR PRIVATE AND I DECIDED TO DROP. 

I AM HAPPY FOR HER BUT SAD FOR MYSELF. UHMM NOT SAD BUT JUST A FEELING OF HOPELESSNESS. MAYBE AROUND THIS TIME I'LL BE IN COLLEGE TOO, PRIVATE OR GOVERNMENT OR ABROAD WHO KNOWS. DAYS ARE JUST FLYING. MY MONTHS JUST DISAPPEAR IN COUNTING FOR DAYS TO THE NEXT TEST. 

THE FORCE I FEEL TO JUST HOLD MYSELF THROUGH ALL THIS IS TOO MUCH. I PRETEND IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS TO BE FINE. BUT SOMEWHERE I KNOW IT'S FINE IF NOT THIS THEN THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH WORST. 

IDK WHY I WAS SO SCARED THROUGHOUT THE DAY I FELT SO WIERD. THOUGH I FEEL OKEYISH NOW MAYBE THINGS MIGHT WORK OUT THIS TIME AND MY GUT FEELING SAYS IT'LL BE OKAY. I HAVE STAYED STRONG TILL NOW JUST FEW MORE DAYS AND I'LL BE SET FREE.

🪽Embrace your dreams the whole night,tomorrow comes with whole new light. 🪽