Masterchef ni dekha tha 🥟

What all can I cook???

If I live alone now, I feel like I’d survive. Actually, I know I would.

I can make anything by looking up a recipe online — except roti and tea. These two are just not my cup of tea 🙃

I baked a cake and wow I was proud. It looked like a brownie but only because the tin was too big lol.

I made cookies too but honestly, I’m not even a fan of those so ended up throwing them. They were too chewy for me.

I made Appam once — that South Indian thing — and it was so good.

I think my cooking skills are average but whatever I make has always been appreciated, like a lot, especially by dad and bhaiya. They go all out saying it’s the best meal they have ever had and that just makes everything feel super good.

If I move out now, I’d manage. But I’m lazy. Like, seriously. I can’t cook consistently like mummy. One meal every 2 days and I’m already tired.

I don’t even get how girls do so much cooking all the time. If I make sabji, what will I even eat it with if I can’t make roti? Bread, I guess.

I don’t drink chai so I never got the proportions right. I’ve told mom this a thousand times but she still taunts me about how selfish I am and how chai is “the easiest thing to make.” It’s mid honestly. I’d rather make coffee — but without milk because I hate the smell of milk in drinks.

I can make stuff, but only in small portions just for me. That’s easier. But being a girl, I’m kind of expected to have that feeding mentality. Which right now I really don’t. Maybe I’ll develop it later, maybe not. Depends on the person I’d want to stay with for life.. What if I'll have to cook then would I walk off just for this reason .. I don't think so.

Eating just for survival? Not fine with me. But cooking for survival? Yeah that works.

If they marry me off right now, I’d be the worst at that role. I don’t have the empathy or the “giving” nature my mom has. I’d straight up say fuck off if someone expected to be fed by me.

Maybe I’m a terrible person. Or maybe someday I’ll become a bit more like her. Just… giving and caring by nature like all moms are. ♡

⚕️

NEET khatam hue bas ek mahina hi toh hua hai... and my brain has already entered attack mode. YouTube ka algorithm khud he badal gya hai. Ab har second video mein MBBS grads, PG wale bhaiya-didi, PG cracking tips, 1st year ke toppers ka gyaan... like bruh, give me a second to BREATHE.

Mujhe pata hai padhna zaroori hai, but these first attempt waley overachiever doctors make it sound like you need a “super-focused, monk mode” mindset straight from day 1.

Like wow—mujhe lagta tha NEET ke baad thoda relief milega. But no, I just escaped one huge trap, and now ready for just another one.

There’s no pause button in this game called Medicine. Pehle exam ka pressure, ab counselling ka. Uske baad college adjustments, hostel ka fear, ghar chhodne ka emotional drama—all served at once, no breaks, no chill.

Upar se friends ka constant pressure:

“Tu single kyun hai yaar?”

“College jaake toh definitely tera bhi ho jaayegi...”Arghhh bro STOPPP. I’m so done with the hormonal teenage circus.

Everyone’s talking about crushes, flings, breakups, drama—I swear every second person has a reality show storyline going on.

And here I am, freshly done with my own “phase”, suddenly hit with peak maturity where literally every guy looks like a walking red flag, and I haven’t even stepped into college yet.

Bas ab toh ek hi craving hai—study, grind, and rise. Break over. Time to enter my villain arc.

Honestly, exam prep may suck the soul out of you, but at least it gives you a purpose. Mental health is wrecked, sure, but at least you’re not being wrecked by stupid opposite gender.

Next mission: NEET PG. First attempt. High-paying job. salary at my feet.

Even daydreaming about that gives me a full-on paisa wala orgasm. LITERALLY.

Life’s too short, man. I was going through my old certificates recently and I found my 1st standard gold medal—Rank 1 in class, 300-something in the state, 1000-something in the country in SOF Science Olympiad. I peaked eary.

And now? Just trying to survive. My start was grand; it’s only fair that my comeback should be legendary.

I tell mom all this, and she drops the truth bomb:

“Pehle phone nahi chalti tha na.”

DAMN. Mummy’s got a point. This stupid phone is the villain in my origin story. I wasn’t just meant to be a topper—I was a topper.

Carol competition – 1nd prize.

Cancer awareness essay – 1nd prize.

Kathak 3-year degree – 1st class.

I was a certified genius in primary school. And honestly? I miss that kid.

Younger Sneha had her shit together.

7–2 school.

2–3 nap.

4 homework.

5–7 play.

7–9 mummy tuition.

9–10 TV.

Then sleep. Peaceful. Focused. Genuinely happy.Back then, 3 hours of study = top marks.Now? Even 12 hours = average rank. It’s exhausting.But you know what? I’m bringing her back. That version of me who didn’t chase people, didn’t care about validation, and knew how to stay on track.

Gonna bring that topper bacchi back in me now it’s so needed to stay on track.

*wanna recreate this so many milestones to cover.

⚕️

 Damn was I sad yesterday.. I came back to my last post and I realise I had intensified whatever I wrote. 

Today I was feeling so much better I went for 2 hr long walk and talked to my friend and then played minecraft for 3 hours straight. Tried playing a song on my guitar, tho I suck at it. Even watched a movie NYSM in the morning. So in all I did so much altogether.

I get a notf from my cycle tracker and now I know why I was so depressed yesterday. I had my follicular phase going on and during that time the estrogen levels go high up in my body and that has a major role in mood swing and people tend to be more productive during that time which I was today but yestarday I was irritated. So ig hormones really affect how my day goes. I was feeling so sad and depressed since 2 days. I was about to make the stupidest move in eternity but thankfully my brain still work.

I am trying to study how really hormones work since I have so much time to just understand myself a bit better biologically. 

It’s fun to keep track and plus I got flo premium so it's easy to identify which phase is going on. So I'll update till I do a full round of one cycle i.e the 16th of another cycle.

Day 16.. pre ovulation.. good mood good vibe

 17.. Slept through the day in naps.. went good

18. Active throughout ..2 hrs of workout + nap+ karaoke (Ovulation) 

19.. 1 hr workout ... Basic stuff.. junk overload.

20.. No workout... junk ... Chilled out mood... No mood swings.

21..  No workout .... slept through the day... woke up tired and sweaty... Was a bit annoyed at night... should hv slept early... sleep schedule fked up again.

22... Don't know normal ig 

23... woke up tired and in a bad mood since then. 

24... walked so much today ig 1 hr in heat .. came back scrolled talked and slept.. relaxed mood after that much needed nap. 
Gotten into a habit of taking long naps in the middle of the day and I love the privilege to sleep unboarthered.

(Updates daily)

Sunday blues or the month is all blue 💙

I might sound mad, but I kinda feel like I’ve lost something. I don’t know what it is exactly—just that it’s gone, and it doesn’t feel good. There’s this constant feeling that something is missing. And whatever that something was… maybe it used to make me happy. But now I’m not.

And here’s the confusing part: I’m not even sad. I don’t cry, I don’t break down, I’m not lying in bed all day feeling depressed. I just feel... empty. Like there’s a void in me somewhere. A piece that’s gone missing.

I used to think it was just exam pressure. I remember feeling like this during tests and study season, so I blamed it on stress. But now? The exams are over—and the feeling’s still here. Still heavy. Still hollow.

I don’t feel joy. I get irritated easily. If someone gets too close, asks too many questions, tries to invade my space—it just messes with my head. I can’t stand crowds. Too many people make me feel like I’m suffocating.

What’s worse is... I don’t know how to tell this to anyone. If I try explaining this to my parents, they’ll just say I’m being dramatic or lazy or overthinking. But I swear I’m not. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I can't just relax or be normal. I want to cry, but there’s no “valid” reason for the tears. I want to scream, but quietly—so no one hears. Because it’s like something is constantly stuck in me, and I don’t know how to let it out.

I told all of this to ChatGPT, and it gave some names for what I’m feeling—post-exam blues, emotional exhaustion, that kind of stuff. Said I should talk to someone. But honestly? That’s part of the problem. I hate talking now. Even trying to explain this to someone feels exhausting. Nobody gets it, and I’m too tired to make them understand.

So maybe I won’t talk right now. Maybe I’m not ready. Maybe once I’m back to studying—once things pick up again—I won’t even have time to feel this lost. Maybe when I’m too busy, the emptiness won’t be so loud.

But right now... it’s hard.

It’s hard just existing.

And when I’m not doing anything else, when it’s just me and this silence—it makes me feel worthless.

Still, I wrote this down.

NTA HAS MADE ME ANGUTHA CHAP..THEY NEED THUMB IMPRESSION AFTER EVERY STEP.

More than months have passed since the exam's been over and I still have these on my wall and my racks are stacked up with 0 space for anything cause all the modules and notes have been taking up all the space. I don't know when I’m gonna clear all this. Will I even do it or just let them be cause anyways I'll be moving out. Taking these notes down and clearing the wite board will make my room life less. No character no emotions just like me right now. 

Just another day but a bit better ☆♡◇♧♤

Ahahah I have never been so happy for random strangers dude I used to watch " Not just a doctor" on yt when I was in 10th and was I obsessed with them I used to follow Rujuta and Naineesh everywhere. They were the epitome of friendship. I was so inspired .. The bond they had as batchmates was so cool. Since then I thought they'd end up together but then they were so subtle with everything.

Finally now today I saw the marriage thing and lol I have never been so happy for strangers on the internet. These people are the reason I love this profession so much and I am always thriving to have what they have. 

So many creators that I used to watch in 2022 earliest days are graduates now and some are even getting married woah and I'll be starting medicine this yr such a cycle. I have so much planned out just can’t wait for everything.

Today when bhaiya met me after 6 months the first thing he says is " Hello medico attitude me baithi hai" Hehe did I blush, wanted to always hear that. 

Arghh I just hope I don’t jinx everything and end up spoiling everything. I don't trust my luck at all just want all the blessings of the universe now for things to go right.

And I finally complete a show that too is a special event otherwise I always leave things in between unwatched. Loved the songs from the episodes...

1. https://youtu.be/HkVWqyK2Lmo?si=mT-uIX1jeLM5Tg-w 

2. https://youtu.be/HchmoMexFYk?si=GVhP_rdQqcKp_jgB

3. https://youtu.be/w0nhYCzLMkY?si=X_WqRaIEdRaYHnx4

to come back later♡♡

Cribbing about life—— HOLD BACK

 As I am growing older I have come to realise that one should not crib about their life in front of others while meeting them or talking to them. It's just a more mature step and will help you keeping lots of bonds intact.

I used to frequently start ranting about lots of things like studies and life problems in general near the people I was comfortable around and it made me feel better, lighter and it was very subconscious from my side. But then once I was talking to one of my friend and he tells me how mentally draining it becomes when his girlfriend rants about her problems to him  whenever they talk, and he told me how it made him feel heavy and really killed the vibe.

That hit me.

That instance really made me think about stuff. Don't I do the same when I get comfortable around people, but do I ask them if they are ready to hear all that? While venting to someone you are indirectly transferring the negative energy to them and people are not ready for all that. Everyone is dealing with stuff they are tired of and it's not an "OMG, WHY THIS HAPPENS WID ONLY ME?" world, 

it's more of ——"THIS HAPPENS WITH EVERYONE, WE JUST DON'T TALK IT OUT LOUD" world.

Keep your trauma- dumping to yourself and use non emotional tools like––– Ai, a journal or maybe just an alone time walk on the terrace moon gazing to analyse and sort out your thoughts and issues.

It will save you lots of judgement and you will come up as a person who has their shit sorted out. 

Venting can make you feel better but the image it gives is of an untidy person with lots of emotional baggage that no on wants to deal with except you yourself.

Also most of the times we already know the solution to our problems we are just willing to gain sympathy from others. It depends on you, who do you want to become someone independent and mature or someone who's just looking for a shoulder to cry on.

What womenhood feels like?

"How I love being a woman."

It’s a line from Anne of Green Gables, and honestly, I’ve never related more.

Being a woman is something else. It’s not just a feeling—it’s a whole vibe. Something only we get. Something that can’t really be explained, but if you’ve felt it, you know.

The female body? So damn beautiful. I can’t even imagine not having this body. The curves, the way it looks, the way it feels. Life without it? It’d be boring. Straight up boring.

Sometimes there's this weird heat boiling in your lower belly, your feet feel warm yet stretched out and cramped, and then out of nowhere your pelvic muscles contract so hard a tear rolls down your face. Your nose is stuffy, your head aching with migraine,your fingers are tingling and, your breasts are sore, lips cracked,the whole body sweaty and sensitive and there’s this warm blood trickling down your thighs.

That's what being a woman feels like.

Everything, all at once.

The one organ responsible for literally creating life can make you feel like the most powerful person on Earth—and then suddenly like you want to disappear under your blanket and vanish.

The smallest pin prick can fold your whole body in half, and yet this same body can carry a human for 9 months and push it out. Like… push it out. Think about that for a sec.

It’s insane. It’s a superpower. And no, not everyone gets to have it.

Women go through so much. We feel everything with a level of intensity—physically, mentally, emotionally,and still manage to go through our day like nothing’s wrong. But ask us to notice a change in the boyfriend's behaviour? Nah, that's where most of us fail. 

Our hormones can mess with us big time. One second you’re fine, the next second you’re crying over a "not so emotional scene" from a comedy movie. Ovarian and pituitary hormones can legit make you feel like you’re tripping on alcohol. Moods swings, anger, nausea, all at once.

But still,not many people talk about this.

Being a woman is messy and loud.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

I don’t know how men feel but I don’t think it's anywhere close to this. The men who have women close to them tend to become gentle and sensitive.. that's what female touch is all about it can make the ruggest human soft. 

............................................  .............................................

wrote this because I was feeling low and I was sad because of the way I felt right now. I don't think I was able to describe the feeling but yah typing all this made me feel better and while typing I realised how I adore biology so much and maybe in future I can be a gynac or a child doc... It'll be fun to be around babies.... can't wait to study anatomy in first yr.. Arghh time is passing by so slow I want this vacation period to be over. I'm done relaxing. I want the hectic back it's fun when I have too much work around and no time to kill.